Last night I cried. I was very sad. I was listening to, of all things, country music. Yes, Country music. I actually like country a lot, and lately have been listening to New Country 60 on Sirius. They played, like 5 songs in a row that made me sad. And reflective.
I need a change.
I don't like where I'm at in any aspect of my life. I don't like my job, I don't like where I live anymore (Love my apartment, hate my landlord's noisy fiance and noisy kids). I don't like that I am still single. I can go on forever.
I need a change.
At 12:30am, as I was getting in to bed, I started to cry. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. Also, the last thing I wanted to do was to cry myself to sleep. SO, I turned on the TV and saw my favorite movie, Beautiful Girls
, was on. I watched a little. Until the scene where Willy sees Marty ice skating, and he tells her that he doesn't want to be the Winnie the Pooh to her Christopher Robin...after she asks him to wait 5 years when she is 18, so they "can walk through this world together". It gets me every time.
I cried more, so at about 12:45am, I got out of bed, got dressed put on my iPod and went for a walk down to the beach. It was late, I was depressed, but it was quite a pleasant walk.
But then i started listening to Jeff Buckley, and it made me even more depressed.
I walked on the sand, turned around, and started back home.
I think it was really theraputic to take the walk and just engross myself in my surroundings and the music.
I even walked past a house that I could see in, and they were watching porn...that's always nice to see.
I think I will make these late-night walks a regular thing. I didn't figure anything out about my troubles..I'm still in all of the same shitty situations, but at least I have a place to go to "get away".